I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
