No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
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