I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
