I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
