Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Randomize
