Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize