I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize