did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
