You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
