Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
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