I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
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