You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
