So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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