literally had 100 drinks last night.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
