I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
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