Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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