Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
