oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
