i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize