you traded sex for a burrito?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
