Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
