Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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