is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
