I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I have already put on my inside pants.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
