remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
do herpes really smell.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
