And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
