I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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