Only a mothe r could love this liver
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Randomize
