I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Randomize
