I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Randomize
