I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Randomize
