if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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