I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
