grandma shit on top of the toilet
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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