I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
You pole danced in your parka.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
