the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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