Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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