Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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