does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Randomize