Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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