DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
