Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize