She just used a chaser for red wine.
two words: eviction party
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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