he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize