I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
