Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
