So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
