Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
