if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
