Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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