Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
