True but thats because hes a fetus.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
