I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
