After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
