you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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