U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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