whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
