Midget sex pt 2 tonight
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
