A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
He called his prostate his "boner button".
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
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