who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
