dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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