I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
