I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
