Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I've blown a few things in my day
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
