Me too!
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
