I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i think my mom watched the whole time
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Randomize
