So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
