Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
