So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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